how can u be prego again
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize