I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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