it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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