i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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