im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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