i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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