The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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