apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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