I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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