You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Threesome in a minivan. New low
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize