the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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