Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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