.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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