genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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