So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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