There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize