I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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