Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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