It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize