the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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