somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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