So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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