I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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