Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize