if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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