it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize