he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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