i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize