Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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