He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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