She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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