I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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