i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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