I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize