I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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