He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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