Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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