so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize