I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize