my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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