i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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