Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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