I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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