If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize