Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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