After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize