My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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