Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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