Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
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I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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