Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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